Sometimes, there aren’t words left…
I believe in words
I live on words
I relish language
On nights like tonight, words are left to ruin, and I can’t summon them up.
So I wait, in the silence….
And hope….
And pray….
And tomorrow I’ll begin again.
When words leave, there is trust, and something bigger than me will fill in the gaps, just sayin’…
Unwittingly, and despite my best efforts, I am at war with my neighbors. Well, they live a few houses down, but same idea. It’s a silly feud, which I take partial responsibility for, though I revel at the length it has come to. I, as an empathetic pacifist, cannot fathom the depths one would take to prove their point…but maybe that’s just me against the world, who knows…
Still, tonight, I’m stuck in thought about the events transpiring to a war I never signed up to fight…a war waged against me with no retaliation or prompting, and I wonder at who we are…really as people locked in humanity…who are we?
My neighbors have never spoken to me, other than once when they cussed at me while I walked in the opposite direction. They don’t actually know me. They don’t know my situation or any of the events leading up to their alleged offense (which isn’t even proffered in actual evidence to date). They just accuse and assume. Never once have they asked if there was an issue or if they could help. Just accusatio) …
I should, I suppose, take it all in stride. I should ignore the onslaught of hostility towards me. That’s what my faith insists. Still, I want to fight. I want to defend. I want recompense. I am human.
My real point is, tonight, I realized something I had missed. In my concern for them and the circumstances, I forgot who I am for a minute and that is wholly unacceptable to me. I am a strong woman who has survived more than most. I have seen lives restored and hearts healed despite far more egregious and daunting obstacles. I am a freakin’ warrior!
Suddenly, in the face of threat, I am strong. Suddenly, when the world closes, I find an opening. Suddenly, when life jabs, I block. I am a fighter who doesn’t want to fight. I am a warrior who would lay down her shield if it meant you would be whole. I am STRONG!
I have to remind myself sometimes that I am who I am. Some nights, it takes a tear and a sword (not literally) to make me whole, but I AM whole!
I am who I am. Bring your worst and I’ll bring my best and let’s see what happens. I am me! I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been rude. I’ve been kind. I’ve been passive. I’ve been bold. I’m a warrior fighting to find tomorrow. Aren’t we all?
Still, what I know beyond all else, is that I WILL WALK IN LOVE!!! No one can take that away!!! No attack can make me forget that LOVE is the only thing that matters.
Go ahead and hate me and haunt me…I’ll be here with compassion and love wishing you the best tomorrow has to offer. That isn’t weakness, it’s strength!
Have you ever had a season of life when the ground shakes beneath every step? You hang on for dear life in the waking, and doings, of your day, and wonder if it will ever get better and, “What in the world is happening?”.
In the seasons when the, “can go wrongs”, become the “going wrongs”, can we find the light? Or are we blind? Maybe it’s all about perspective.
I’ve had a time recently! It’s been one hit after another, then another, to prove that maybe I should just lay down and give up. But I’m not one to give up!!!
I can’t help think tonight about the pain and sting of it all. Not even necessarily my pain, but the pain I see happening around me also. I wonder where the line blurs between humanity and God. What are we capable of handling and what should we bury ourselves in prayer and tears over? Life isn’t always easy!
I wish I could be optimistic all of the time, but some days bring more sting than others. It’s humanity. It’s life. It’s a brilliant saga lived out in skin.
Still, when God seems distant or hope seems a memory, there is this subtle joy that can spring out of nowhere. The key is finding the romance in the midst of the chaos. Maybe that is my mission. Maybe I can be a beacon for the lost and waiting.
We wait for tomorrow while clinging to today or some other distant day.
We wait for light when the sun has set.
We wait for inspiration and hope when the world screams, “failure”.
And in the waiting, we are better.
There may not be a rose garden awaiting us on the other side of the briar patch. Still, what we learned in the dark, we carry to the light.
Never underestimate the power and potential of your struggles.
Fight when the world has knocked you flat.
Get up when you don’t know how to open your eyes!
Be you! Authentic and unapolegetic!
I can’t help but believe that a God who sees all, knows who I am and what I face, and has equipped me for a moment like this.
Don’t let anyone steal who you ARE!
SHINE!
Tomorrow is another adventure in YOUR story. What are you going to do with it?
INSPIRED BY THE COMFORTER 