Words fall from trees like leaves hurdling into fall. And I thought they were my friends until they betrayed me.
Then suddenly words don’t matter any more and I fall apart because I need them to make sense of the chaos.
So I sing loud anthems into the dark.
And I cry tears that fall lonely.
And I wait for peace that will come if I’m patient…but I’m not.
So hello today, can we talk about tomorrow?
In days past I could stand tall
Against the world
Against the noise
And the bleating and the chaos was a calm normal in the wake
Though it never should have been
And now the rust settles to decay
And I stand anyway
Because that’s what it means to be in the realm of the real
So feeling you gone doesn’t hurt like it should
And I know I should find my emotions
But I laughed today, hard, until tears flowed with my ten-year-old
And that’s enough to keep me going
Maybe we should measure better
Maybe the laughter should be our compass
I love deeply despite the hurt and I move on despite the pain and now I’m me alone against the void
And maybe that’s best.
Today, my sister tore the veil and crossed into infinity.
And I don’t know what to make of it.
She was too young.
She had so much to give.
She was fierce.
She was a lion meant for destiny.
She s gone.
And my heart can’t quite process it all.
And my head is numb and weak and sad.
And I wonder what might have been.
And I cry.
A lot!
Fly high little love.
Find the light you struggled to see.
I’m praying that I see you again and I’m crying that it can’t be now.
Death where is your sting?
Right here in the land of the living.
I used to try to prevent the hard things.
I used to try and make it all okay with extra work and a swing of my magic sword of indifference and strength combined.
Now I’m learning to lean in.
In the hard things, hope comes from strange places.
In the hard things, we realize there is more than this moment…more than us.
There is a God who provides!
I tend to minimize the thing’s happening in my life.
I tend to act like it’s all fine (when it is not).
But I’m truly grateful!
Because there’s a God who sees it all and is faithful to me no matter what!
And I’m willing to fight through the day, despite the pain, knowing He’s there to hold me up on the other side.
Lean in!
Don’t be afraid!
He’s got you and me and all the broken pieces and a million hearts searching.
Because he’s big enough!
That’s enough for me!
I won’t break!
I might…
I won’t look for answers in the void
Or I will…
Either way, I’m okay.
Because sometimes that’s how I realize who I am
And sometimes that’s enough.
When the world crashes down, make sure to bring a straw
Something you can hang above the landslide to catch your breath.
I’ve learned the importance of a hundred straws
And I’ve grappled with the soil countless times
Yet, my anchor still holds.
Struggling and wriggling beneath the weight is real
And they don’t send you instructions or preparatory warnings
It’s you and God and the thread attached to the anchor that holds.
So dive deep when the oxygen tank is close to empty and find the miracle
Because it’s waiting.
He never fails!
I do
But even when I do, He’s enough!
So I dig into the soil and find the gold in the midst of the muck and mire.
And I’ll be better tomorrow…
One time, there was a girl who was afraid.
She wrestled with her fear.
She thought if she gave it voice it would consume her.
She thought if she showed weakness, the weakness would swallow her.
She thought if she were better, she wouldn’t find herself here.
She thought if she were better everything would be okay.
Then the world caved in
She had to realize it wasn’t about her at all
She had to realize that in the pain and brokenness, Jesus would still see her, meet her, find her.
And He did! And it’s okay. And brokenness can lead to healing. And pain can lead to triumph and all the things.
And maybe, just maybe, that can be her story.
I am she, and this is now, and my brokenness today led to beauty. So there’s that…
I think I am me when the dust settles and the night falls and I stare at my pillow and I wonder
What is today? And what will be different tomorrow? And what’s the harm in thinking about that?
I think tomorrow is propelled by today.
I think I am the sum of yesterday and today and tomorrow combined because I believe God is bigger than that mess!
There’s a symbolism in the weight of the fracture between me and today and tomorrow.
There is more than I can see
There is more than me.
So hold on tight beloved. You are beloved
Because you don’t always see what’s waiting beyond the veil.
And I know theology and not every gets a peak behind the curtain but I’m waiting and I know He is too. That’s enough for me!
Sometimes your own people won’t get you
Sometimes it hurts
Sometimes that’s okay
Sometimes it’s not
That’s okay too
Walk on dear friend.
Move into the next moment, okay with yourself and who you are.
If the night stopped the second a cloud came, we’d never see daylight
But we keep spinning
And the dawn will come
Wake up tomorrow and realize you don’t need the approval of the setting sun.
I used to be human, once when it was trendy.
But what good are trends anyway?!?
I’m me in the trenches.
I’m me when the world crashes around me.
I’m me in the flesh and the bone…in the spirit and song…
In the trenches.
Just little ol’ me
I grope for air when I need to breathe
I hang on to euphemisms when I need hope.
I grope for light when I feel dark.
I wait for the dishes to be done
For the world to feel uncluttered even when I know I’m responsible for the outcome.
I wait for the light to appear.
But I am loved!
Not by you certainly. Maybe not even by the people I hold close to my chest like life preservers.
But I’m loved.
And maybe that’s enough.
Because I’ll get up tomorrow and go again.
And things will get done little by little and I will grow or whatever…
Tonight, I’m me, in the light of a thousand moons,and the presence of a God who loves me anyway and that’s more than enough for me!
INSPIRED BY THE COMFORTER 