Future

A Curious Case of the Shoulds

/ Jaimie / 1 Comment

In a random conversation with my son a few days ago, I was faced with a truth hidden behind imaginary walls I’ve erected in my own mind. He told me that I always say, “I should do that.” There are many examples of what “that” is. It could be writing more, or playing my guitar more often, or finishing up a sewing project, or crocheting that blanket, or finishing that course, or starting that business venture. The list goes on, while I sit still. I’m good at the “shoulds” but not so good at the follow-thru.

I was scrolling through obituaries earlier today and thinking of people I’ve known who recently passed on from this adventure we call life. Some leave great legacies about their accomplishments in business or their many travels around the world. Some leave tributes about how they loved and cared for their families. Some even leave quotes about their favorite beer (I literally saw that listed in an obituary today.) I don’t want the dash on my tombstone to be marked by any one thing or by a listing of accomplishment or greatness. I want the years my dash represents to be marked by a dedication to God and the things that matter. I want to make a difference somehow in the void not a blip in an obituary column that will be forgotten.

The past couple weeks, I’ve been rereading the Lord of the Rings trilogy and “nerding out” completely. Tolkien was a genius! He left his mark not only in the masterpieces he created that live on so vividly today, but he was also instrumental in C.S. Lewis’s conversion to Christianity. Lewis as we know then became one of the most prolific Christian figures in literature and religion of our time. Tolkien’s dash indelibly etches it’s trace into forever.

I don’t know what it is that leaves me stranded in the forest of the shoulds but I am determined to find a path out. One foot in front of the other, I choose to step forward and take action. Distractions will surely attempt to sway me from the pathway. Busyness will come and scream in my ear that I should be doing something else. Fear and insecurity will most definitely rear their wicked heads to keep me stuck in the fray. They are my biggest enemies.

Still sometimes I think that the biggest victories are achieved, not by fell strokes of force, but by the active and adamant action of one foot in front of the other. So if you’re looking for me, dear friend, I’ll be here practicing the simple art of walking until I’m finally living.

Reinvented

/ Jaimie / Leave a comment

In rural, southern Ohio somewhere there is a band of stuffed animals and baby dolls who were once taught the word of God. When I was a little girl, I was convinced that I would be a preacher and a singer. I would play church with my stuffed animals in the backyard. I would lead worship, then read my bible aloud to them, then expound and teach them everything a teddy bear and bunny could need to know about the kingdom of God. At the end, I’d have an altar call and pray for them and for everyone else I know.

I was at a Women of Faith conference last week and Brenda Warner said when she was five years old she stood up in front of her church and announced that when she grew up she wanted to be either a preacher or a stripper. I guess it’s not who we think we’ll be but who we end up being that matters.

There are moments, when I can’t help but look back over my life and see the good and the bad. I’ve made so many mistakes and I’ve wasted so much time. There were times, I was so far from that little girl with dreams of changing the world, one teddy bear at a time.

Still, here I stand, determined that today will mean more than yesterday. Tomorrow will be a new beginning with new mercies and new opportunities. We have a choice to look back and mourn for what could have been or to pick up and do what we can with today.

I know there are those who look back and think that the past somehow disqualifies them from doing something in the present. I used to be one of them. The truth is that the past molds us into the person we are now and we are the ones chosen to accomplish that which God put in us to do. Through the grace of God, I see things differently than others might because of my experiences. I can use that vision to propel me toward the goals and dreams God put in me.

One of the greatest tools of our enemy is the ability to convince us that we are too messed up to accomplish our dreams or that it’s too late or that we aren’t good enough. As I listen to the stories of others I realize more and more that I am not the only one whose overcome great odds to become something beautiful.

God enables the willing. He isn’t constrained by our ideas of what it means to be “good enough”. He not only loves us in spite of the rubble. He is a master craftsmen who builds us into His image using the pieces we thought were irreparable. He simply waits for us to present ourselves to Him. Now is our greatest opportunity.