I’m a girl, walking on eggshells, waiting for the fracture
Life can be hard
life
Me
I think I was me once, when nothing else interrupted the light.
I could call out and hear the echo of tomorrow, regardless, the darkness that threatened.
But I think I forgot
What does it mean to hold a candle and illuminate the shadow?
Am I here in the midst?
Am I breathing?
I guess we will know tomorrow.
And even if we don’t, I’ll get up and start again
Because that’s what it means to fight!
The embrace of every day
The inbounding hope that fills the gap between dark and dawn
We get up and go again and hope the light can find us when we’ve lost our way.
So step forward, one tentative step at a time
And keep going
One foot, then another.
Tomorrow brings no promise of light and life but it’s what we have.
So push through the breech and find your strength dear friend.
Tomorrow is worth the fight!
Segmentation
I think I may live in segments. Moments between where the great is and where it was and who I am now and who I used to be.
Segmented arthropods or a life once lived draped in shadow. And I’m okay this way…maybe…
I stare at the moon.
I stare at the memory.
I stare at life.
And I’m breathing
Wondering what that means anymore.
But my voice is strong and so I stare and yell to the void
Maybe that’s enough.
Maybe not.
Time will tell.
Where the night falls…
I walked where the night falls
Flickers of light when I can’t really see
And I watch the broken and the burdened
And I see me
Who knows who I am
Certainly not me
But here in the void, where I wonder at light or day, I am found.
So scream angels
And cry holy
Because he is!
And fight for tomorrow
Because it’s coming.and you and I are here.
So breathe!
Honesty…putting it out there
I’ll be honest,
Sometimes I don’t know if up is down. Or right is left or who let the dogs out…cue the song “who…who”
But I know who I am.
And maybe. That’s enough…
But in the morning, it feels like nothing, as I start again. And that can be debilitating.
So we scramble from night to day and wonder where the light will land.
And we are more than conquerors even when we don’t feel it.
But sometimes we don’t.
And we walk forward because the light calls to us and there’s no other choice.
Keep going or die here. So we walk.
But if the light had eyes and voice and tears, would it beckon us into the void?
I don’t know but I’m walking and so are you.
Let’s go together
What else is there?
There is rhythm
There is is rhythm and life to who we are and what we expect and all the things we leave unsaid.
It pulses in the background until the smallest thing becomes the biggest in the room
Sing into the night, melodies, only you can hear’
When the moments of peace give way to tsunami.
But love can conquer all if we let it.
Find the counterpoint and disrupt the rhythm.
Be brave
Be strong
Or fall apart for a minute and pick up the pieces.
Be you
Cry, if you must.
Scream, if you must.
Then walk forward.
Don’t be silent
But don’t let the need to be heard consume you.
Just keep walking.
This is life.
This is real.
This is fabric knit together to make us more.
Don’t miss out because all you see is, “the thing”
And don’t miss out because you are too afraid to find your voice.
Be real. Be raw. Be you!!!!!
And forget the crowd that may not approve.
Find yourself in the author of life.
Walk in the discovery because THAT is everything!
Who are we to claim the stars when the earth crumbles around us?
Human, and breathing, and grasping for eternity in the midst…we flail and fall and try again and get up
Because we are breathing and, despite the broken, we find light.
And if light isn’t enough, we claw at the darkness and rise again in the morning
And that, is life…
The rising and falling of tides and moonlight
Don’t dream of a world without pain.
Dream of a world with resilience.
The latter is so much more important!
Find yourself in the beginning of tomorrow instead of the end of yesterday
And maybe that’s enough.
The stuff that brings the “real” and the “raw”
And find yourself devoted to being real.
Find yourself devoted to who you are in Christ and who you are in the midst of the the hurt.
We cannot be salt and light without being willing to “cure’ and wade through the dim.
Don’t expect “easy”, expect “ hard” and be willing to walk through it to the other side.
Why we think we’re exempt is beyond me.
You are meant to be light! So SHINE!!!
From underneath the table
Parenting is sometimes, on hands and knees, picking up the pieces from a night gone by
When you should be asleep
But you’re not
Because, life…
And you go to pick up board games sprawled across the floor to find more mayhem.
And you’re tired
But you keep going because life.:.
And you find the madness that your children have left and you wonder for a moment, then grab a broom, or a mop, or a match. Whatever fits.
So we wrestle against the ideal
And fight against time
We are only human
And we think we should be more
But we aren’t
We are flesh and bone raising flesh and bone
And the result is often messy…
Far from ideal
But we are breathing.
So I wonder if I can breathe when the board games drape the floor and I wonder what alien has invaded the floor beneath my dining room table.
Please tell me I’m not the only one!
Are we compelled to be the ideal or is there grace for the Lego littered floors and kid-scattered madness.
Is it okay to be human?!?
Or am I drowning?
I don’t really know.
But I know my kids are safe and asleep in their beds while I fight the dining room floor demons again.
Tomorrow, bring a clean, clutter free floor.
If not? Help me know that’s okay!
Otherwise, find me snuggled in a ball of Lego’s and remember I had greatness in me once.
Hurricane Ian Update
Hi everyone. I’ve started and stopped this post a hundred times. It’s hard!
My family is safe and fine. We had several days without power and some downed limbs in the yard but we were so blessed! We are okay.
But I live here. In the midst. I know people who lost their lives, people who almost lost their lives, people who lost their homes and everything they own. It’s hard.
So I wanted to write a quick post to let you all know we are okay and we are dealing with the aftermath in our community. The devastation is overwhelming. It sinks in, slowly, in layers. You can’t fathom it all unless you’re in it.
And we were without power, internet, and cell service for days; so many others knew what we couldn’t see before us, right next door to the ‘thick of it’.
Thank you for all of your prayers! Thank you for reaching out! Thank you for realizing that things that aren’t on your doorstep may be on someone else’s.
Be the light! Keep reaching out to the people you know because you never really know what tomorrow will bring.
Be kind!
Speak your mind!
Let truth ring on your lips.
Let the love of Christ dwell in you richly!
We’ve seen miracles and heartache and we are holding on through it all.
Be grateful!
Sending love to everyone who hears my voice through written word. We are strong and we are recovering! ❤️
Love, Jaimie
Do You Know Who You Are?
I’ve been hesitant to write. Hurricane Ian tore through my town, took the lives of people I know, took the homes of my friends, and shook us to breaking.
Thankfully, my family is fine. We watched from the window, waiting for trees we were sure would fall, to go the distance, and miraculously, my family was unscathed.
But then you look around…
And you see the devastation that missed you, so close.
It’s unnerving
It’s unsettling
It’s heartbreaking
This is my home!
So I didn’t want to write about it.
But tonight, my son and I were messing around and playing and singing improv on the piano and this came out,
“When all the light and all the dark have disappeared and I’m staring at the grave of wasted tears. Who am I and who are you and what should we do from here nobody knows.
So we walk through the night. And we share. whatever light we can find so we walk and we we climb through the void to who we are and who you are and who we’re meant to be and now it’s ‘us’…across the void…against the void”
And I’ve spent the day lugging debris and hauling things that may or may not be salvageable from the wreckage. And I hear the tears and pray the prayers and I’m in this…
And I’m living this! And it’s so much more than we ever imagined.
And I wonder who I am
Is the light of Christ in me enough to pierce the darkness?
I know it is cognitively.
But when the real hits you like a train colliding on the back of your faith, can you (I) be grateful? Can I say, “Great is thy Faithfulness “?
I have an answer but I won’t proffer it here. I ask you to decide.
Do we lean on light and what we know of the truth or do we look at destruction and falter?
Okay, I give up. I’ll answer….He is still so, so good!!!!!
No storm can hold Him!
Nothing can chain Him!
And I see it!
So debris can give way and my hope still stands.
I know who I am but more importantly, I know who He is!!!
And that’s enough
INSPIRED BY THE COMFORTER 