I walk through worlds apart sometimes. Laundry and dinner and dishes and longings of the soul simultaneously. And I’m cool with it. Maybe the worlds collide at the most integral moments and make up who we are meant to be. That’s where the beauty rests. At the intersection of laundry and scripture and existential thoughts on reality. Maybe God meets us in the moments of laundry and calls it lovely! I once wrote a song while putting away laundry that I sang for years in church and prison ministry that I believe impacted others. Maybe laundry is the key. Maybe I can be used of God while cleaning underwear and socks. That’s the beauty right?!? Jesus washed feet. He served. I long for the day when those with platforms beautify cleaning socks and those without realize the beauty of laundry. Just sayin’
purpose
Perspective from a kid on a log to a woman on a tree
I once sat among the trees staring life into the branches
Singing harmonies with the heavens
Holding court with the trunks
I once sat in the heavens though my feet touched earth
And I counted the ways the fireflies lit the night
I found respite in the angles of the starlight
Then I broke
But today I’m not broken and my feet can feel the branches and the things that once splintered seem to bring hope
That’s the way it is when God reaches down to the hearts of men.
So dance and sing winds and I will play along and breathe melody into creation all around.
Because I am not who I was; I’m who I’m meant to be and undoubtedly that’s enough for me
I walk through tomorrow
If I could hold the thread of yesterday and pull
What would I be in the coming light?
Jesus, be the name ever on my lips.
If I could serenade the heavens and feel the clock of time awaiting…
Would I sing louder!
Would I wait until the moments of glory passed?
Because it’s the mundane that makes a human
It’s the everyday devotion
It’s the life unspoken
It’s who we are at the core. let me be, at the core, someone who reveals your glory.
Jesus, be the name ever on my lips.
Thinking for no reason …
I’m up past my bedtime and I’m thinking of so many random things. How I used to sing loud and now I hold back. How my years of church drew me to study the Bible more closely and the treasure I’ve found for myself! Life can beat you down yet deep calls unto deep. So I’m here tonight calling to the deep, reliving who I was and praising God for who I am. The overwhelming theme is that He has been so faithful to me!!! Words can’t contain his faithfulness. Volumes could be written then unwritten , constructed and reconstructed, and they couldn’t contain his faithfulness. I keep hearing (from various sources) that we should do the last thing God called us to do before moving forward. The last thing I know he told me to do was write and I’ve been stuck. Not because he hasn’t been great, but because I’ve been hesitant to say it all. I don’t know why. I guess it’s partly that I wonder if anyone would resonate with my story and partly the shame of the details (though I have nothing to hide). Still, if deep has a name, I want to meet him. I want to fall headlong into the space between myself and who he is! He is worthy! If only you could know what I’ve seen and experienced. So I will try to tell my story. I will throw it into the void. Be patient with me. I will sing loud again. I will find myself amid the noise.
Side note, “Amid” was the title of one of my first tracks. The circle continues I suppose. 🤣 I guess that’s part of the beauty. Stay tuned…
Just thinking…
God of the infinite ages, you see me
You find me here
You have always been
You will always be
Yet, you see me.
The depths sing your praises
The harmonies of creation cry out
And somewhere in the symphony of heaven, you hear me chime in.
A squeak
A song
A note
An utterance through the noise of it all
I’m a speck of dust in the wind
Yet I perk your ears to listen and you still call me a friend.
These are the things that write the words unfathomable.
Moments of time when dust calls to infinite and I am undone.
If I were a song,
I would call to the heavens and search for your voice
If I were me in the moments I don’t know who I am, I would search for your words because you speak them over me daily.
Who am I that the highest king would see me?
I am the dust bowl embodied, yet you reach for me
And I bow down and revel in your faithfulness because if anyone knew who you are, and what I’ve been through, and who you are to me now, they wouldn’t be able to comprehend…
So I rest my head tonight
Because I know
And that’s enough!
Sometimes I wonder
Who am I’m in the battle for my life?
When the dust clears?
When tomorrow fades into today?
When everything relies on moments I may not be present enough to face?
Can I continue in the fallout?
Am I enough to face the repercussions?
Is today the last of the real me?
Or can I rise?
I don’t know.
But I pray for redemption and I hope for tomorrow and I show up.
That’s worth something right?!?
I walk into the moment out of necessity and feel what I can to survive.
Is that dark or brave?
I don’t know anymore.
When I was a human…
I thought, at one time, I was indifferent to the gaping noise that came from silence.
That’s not me anymore.
When I was a human, I thought touch somehow made me worthy.
That’s not me anymore.
When I was a human, I remembered things that seemingly kept me alive.
Stolen breath, kisses soft, Interactions.
I’m not a human anymore.
Humanity can exist in the silence and I’m learning.
Humanity can be the absence of humanity…
The me, alone with me.
And it’s in fact the scariest please I’ve ever been.
Hold your breathe.
Vacuum
If I lived in a vacuum and all that mattered was this moment, what would I want the present to look like?
I could talk of the dreams I have for the present and the future
I could list the wants and dreams for tomorrow but it wouldn’t be today
It probably wouldn’t be tomorrow
Because my life is on hold for now
And nothing can change that.
So I sit in the silence while the world is singing.
I hope and pray for better days.
And I know they will come because I have faith…
But it doesn’t undo the hard things.
And maybe that’s okay.
Maybe the silence brings the noise I need to find the truth.
I’m just spitballing in a world lost.
But maybe that’s enough.
I’ll keep you posted.
Walking between the worlds
I live in worlds where nothing makes sense and normal people don’t abide
And I fight for breath when the ashes rage hot or the smoke envelopes my lungs from the burning all around me
And I wonder why the dissonance screams louder than the melody
When the tune rolls over and over again in my brain
Because, once I was a girl,….
Now I hold the glue and patch while the pieces peal off layer by layer
And I wonder if I’m strong enough.
Even if I’m not? Tomorrow comes like a flood and I will brace myself before the wave, because I know how to handle water.
Goodnight life, I’ll tackle you again tomorrow.
Bring your A-game!
Tomorrow maybe
If everything were up to today, would I be proud?
Or would I cower?
I guess that’s the question in the dark hours of the night.
Did today leave legacy for tomorrow?
Can I count today when I was sick and sleeping, as a day that counted?
Probably not.
I want to be present when the light touches Earth.
I want to feel the wind.
I want to be made for greatness.
But, stomach flu and life hits hard sometimes and I can’t be human.
But maybe that’s enough…?
I don’t know how to reconcile a day in bed with a life meant for purpose.
But God!
Still, tomorrow is looming on the horizon. And that’s enough for me to close my eyes and dream of better days.
Tomorrow is such a great promise!
I pray I won’t waste it!
