Time in a bottle

If time really were in a bottle, I would drink deeply.

I don’t always know who I am

But I’m me in this moment

So sound the alarms and ring the bells because I’m present

And maybe I’m the me I thought I was yesterday

Or maybe life is okay when it’s half-lived and the night is blocked by the sun

And life is great when the sun shines

But no one promised us a rose garden (quote the old author)

But life is greater when you know who you are and where you stand and when enough is enough or there’s light on the horizon, peaking.

I don’t back down! I never have and I don’t plan on changing.

So bring the dusk or the dawn but watch me rise! Because I always RISE!

Segmentation

I think I may live in segments. Moments between where the great is and where it was and who I am now and who I used to be.

Segmented arthropods or a life once lived draped in shadow. And I’m okay this way…maybe…

I stare at the moon.

I stare at the memory.

I stare at life.

And I’m breathing

Wondering what that means anymore.

But my voice is strong and so I stare and yell to the void

Maybe that’s enough.

Maybe not.

Time will tell.

Where the night falls…

I walked where the night falls

Flickers of light when I can’t really see

And I watch the broken and the burdened

And I see me

Who knows who I am

Certainly not me

But here in the void, where I wonder at light or day, I am found.

So scream angels

And cry holy

Because he is!

And fight for tomorrow

Because it’s coming.and you and I are here.

So breathe!

There is rhythm

There is is rhythm and life to who we are and what we expect and all the things we leave unsaid.

It pulses in the background until the smallest thing becomes the biggest in the room

Sing into the night, melodies, only you can hear’

When the moments of peace give way to tsunami.

But love can conquer all if we let it.

Find the counterpoint and disrupt the rhythm.

Be brave

Be strong

Or fall apart for a minute and pick up the pieces.

Be you

Cry, if you must.

Scream, if you must.

Then walk forward.

Don’t be silent

But don’t let the need to be heard consume you.

Just keep walking.

This is life.

This is real.

This is fabric knit together to make us more.

Don’t miss out because all you see is, “the thing”

And don’t miss out because you are too afraid to find your voice.

Be real. Be raw. Be you!!!!!

And forget the crowd that may not approve.

Find yourself in the author of life.

Walk in the discovery because THAT is everything!

Who are we to claim the stars when the earth crumbles around us?

Human, and breathing, and grasping for eternity in the midst…we flail and fall and try again and get up

Because we are breathing and, despite the broken, we find light.

And if light isn’t enough, we claw at the darkness and rise again in the morning

And that, is life…

The rising and falling of tides and moonlight

Don’t dream of a world without pain.

Dream of a world with resilience.

The latter is so much more important!

Find yourself in the beginning of tomorrow instead of the end of yesterday

And maybe that’s enough.

The stuff that brings the “real” and the “raw”

And find yourself devoted to being real.

Find yourself devoted to who you are in Christ and who you are in the midst of the the hurt.

We cannot be salt and light without being willing to “cure’ and wade through the dim.

Don’t expect “easy”, expect “ hard” and be willing to walk through it to the other side.

Why we think we’re exempt is beyond me.

You are meant to be light! So SHINE!!!

Do You Know Who You Are?

I’ve been hesitant to write. Hurricane Ian tore through my town, took the lives of people I know, took the homes of my friends, and shook us to breaking.

Thankfully, my family is fine. We watched from the window, waiting for trees we were sure would fall, to go the distance, and miraculously, my family was unscathed.

But then you look around…

And you see the devastation that missed you, so close.

It’s unnerving

It’s unsettling

It’s heartbreaking

This is my home!

So I didn’t want to write about it.

But tonight, my son and I were messing around and playing and singing improv on the piano and this came out,

“When all the light and all the dark have disappeared and I’m staring at the grave of wasted tears. Who am I and who are you and what should we do from here nobody knows.
So we walk through the night. And we share. whatever light we can find so we walk and we we climb through the void to who we are and who you are and who we’re meant to be and now it’s ‘us’…across the void…against the void”

And I’ve spent the day lugging debris and hauling things that may or may not be salvageable from the wreckage. And I hear the tears and pray the prayers and I’m in this…

And I’m living this! And it’s so much more than we ever imagined.

And I wonder who I am

Is the light of Christ in me enough to pierce the darkness?

I know it is cognitively.

But when the real hits you like a train colliding on the back of your faith, can you (I) be grateful? Can I say, “Great is thy Faithfulness “?

I have an answer but I won’t proffer it here. I ask you to decide.

Do we lean on light and what we know of the truth or do we look at destruction and falter?

Okay, I give up. I’ll answer….He is still so, so good!!!!!

No storm can hold Him!

Nothing can chain Him!

And I see it!

So debris can give way and my hope still stands.

I know who I am but more importantly, I know who He is!!!

And that’s enough

On falling and getting up

If I’m going to fall, can I please fall hard and hit my head?

Can there be concussion and bruising so I don’t look like a fool?

Can I rest in the “okay-ness” of my weakness?

If I do, do I have to wait for a diagnosis?

Fallen, in need of grace?

Can’t we just be human?

Wake up sleepers

Wake up church!

In the land of the living, an anchor holds

And we get to reveal it and show it to the masses

That’s enough

Love is enough

We can kick and claw and scream at the wind

We can cry behind closed doors

But we can’t stop reaching

For real love!

THAT is the anchor

Nails and thorns and mercy on a cross

And death giving way to victory

Who are you?

Who does He say I am?

Where is victory?

Can you see it today?

If not, look again.

It’s worth fighting for!

In the Morning …Running with what you’ve got

So, my mornings are always morning before morning should be allowed

I’m not a morning person…working on this…

But in anticipation of tomorrow, I plan.

I pack lunchboxes and clean and lie clean clothes on racks and hooks, and find shoes lost by minions (small people I’m charged to raise)

But, unfortunately, sometimes I dread the day ahead.

I’m not proud of it.

And I think if His mercies new every morning and the blessing of parenthood and employment and a life well lived.

But in reality, I go to bed knowing my alarm will sound the horror bell of having to wake up when I want to sleep.

Still, there’s a blessing when the coffee and the day kick in.

When sunlight brings possibilities that I haven’t imagined.

So I ride before the sun and do it again and again.

This life doesn’t have to be brilliant or awesome in the light of day but it has to continue to bring meaning.

So today leads to tomorrow and every moment, even the mundane, leads to greatness.

Will I be remembered for the lunches I pack and the jokes I wrote in sharpie on ziplock? Probably not. But will I be remembered for my perseverance and strength? I hope so.

Wake up tomorrow and do it again.

Just go!

One foot in front of the next, in excellence. It’s all anyone can ask and it’s more than enough.

Two cents from the routine.

Two cents to manufacture a million. Just RUN!

Who am I?

If I were a mere mortal in the land of the living

You know that place where truth and grace collide

And the maker of heaven called me beautiful in spite of my ugly

And I set out to show the world the immensity of glory

And the rug beneath me failed to hold the weight

And the ground shook at the sound of Your voice

And I am me and you are infinite

What can I offer?

A prayer to the God who sees

A song to the voice of the mute

I am a disabled veteran in the land of the living

No claim to fame just a life sacrificed at the altar of service

And in my case, badly offered

Bruised and unworthy

But still showing up

Still fighting

Still ready to stand and say it’s all worth it

Bring it on world, I’m here standing on weak knees, ready for tomorrow

Warrior with broken feet…standing on hope.

Wake me up!