Bananas

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I moved from Southern Ohio to Florida in 1988. I was in the fourth grade. It seemed so glamorous and magical at the time. We had a banana tree beside our little trailer and I thought it looked so tropical and lush. It was just a baby but we were so proud of it. I knew one day I’d be eating fruit we’d grown right there in our trailer park yard. Somehow, since then, I’ve lost some of the wonder.

When my husband and I moved into our current home, the yard was a little barren so we hired a landscaper to put in some plants that we weren’t likely to kill easily. We are not the most inspired gardeners. He put in several banana trees. I found myself complaining about them. I should focus on the green portions of the tree or the cute little bunches of bananas that grow from time to time, but instead, all I see are the brown droopy leaves bending low at the bottom of the plants. They are kind of ugly.

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The noble trees are working hard to reach upward; growing fast toward the sun. They are even making precious fruit for me to enjoy and I sit and criticize and scorn them thinking my yard looks more like a mess than a tropical paradise. I could go tend them and clean up the area a little, but that demands more effort than I care to proffer so I choose the path of least resistance, annoyance.

Francis Frangipane mentioned this critical tendency recently when he said, “True, when I first see the need, typically, my flesh reacts with criticism. But if I repent of just finding fault – if I pray and submit myself to Christ’s heart – I soon discover there are many ways for me to participate in redeeming this situation, all of which fuel my spiritual growth. Indeed, by approaching the area of need with Christ’s redemptive heart, the “flawed reality” I initially criticized ultimately became the land of my anointing.”

I’ve known those who say they will never go to church because the church is full of hypocrites. And maybe they are right. Maybe we are all goofy looking banana trees reaching for the sun as the old sinful nature dies off and dangles, brown and ugly. Thankfully, God looks down from above and sees life and delights in all of us fruity folks. Still I can’t help but wonder what the body of Christ could do if we would take that child like perspective that sees the tree as magical, lush, tropical and full of wonder. What if we stopped criticizing one another and started participating in redeeming the situation? What if we pushed aside the urge to criticize and began reacting to annoyance first with prayer? What would we look like if we chose love? I, for one, am planning to find out.

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Lack of Words

All my words have been taken captive. Pirates of time and their productivity minions have me locked in a cave of clean rooms and financial reports stifling all aspects of my creativity. I think I can see light peeking in through the opening. Soon I will knock the guard out and take back what’s rightfully mine, my freedom. At that time, I’ll be back here, sharing all the fruits of my creative bottleneck with you. In the meantime, I apologize for my silence. I’ll beat those pesky pirates yet.

Cranky baby

I love my cranky baby in the morning even though he pulls my hair and wails, fussy, fidgety.
I love his smile that sneaks past his facade and lights the morning.
I love his voice, expressing his frustration in a symphony of “da-da’s,” ba-ba-na’s and mum-num’s”
I love that I love him the same when he’s happy and that nothing will change the way I feel about him.
No amount of sickness, runny noses, goofy coughs, sore ears or crying will cause my love to waiver. In fact, they raise my compassion towards him.
He needs me and all I want to do is be there, to comfort him, to show him how loved he is
Even in the sadness and frustration. Even when he whines and screams and bites and kicks.
Love isn’t effected by such things, love endures all, forgives all, love never fails.
I love when he settles on my breast, leans close and lets go, drifting off to sleep reminding me of the dream that it is to be his mother.
And I realize that I am the child of a king and His love surpasses mine.
I’m so thankful that he too loves a cranky baby in the morning.

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When the Bottom Drops Out

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Ever feel like Elijah? Elijah was one of the prophets. He accomplished so much for the Kingdom of God. In 1 Kings chapter 18, we see him have an amazing victory against the prophets of Baal in which he called down fire from heaven. He was a warrior, a conqueror, a man who clearly heard God’s voice. He was a man.

Fast forward to chapter 19 of 1 Kings, and we find this man running for his life and eventually hiding in a cave depressed and discouraged. I’ve often wondered how he went from one extreme to the other. It would seem that the man of God who just called fire from heaven would have enough trust and faith to believe that God would help him out when the Queen threatened his life. It’s so easy for us to read the story and judge isn’t it?

I think if we are completely honest with ourselves, we do the same thing. We probably haven’t called down fire from heaven lately but we have our victories. Things are going well and we believe! Then the bottom drops out and we wonder where God went. Still in those moments of weakness when we’re tired and struggling to hold on, God has not abandoned us. He still faithfully feeds and cares for us. Remember that it was there, in the dark moments for Elijah that God chose to reveal Himself to him.

“So he [Elijah] said, ‘I have been very zealous for the Lord God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.’ Then He [The Lord] said, ‘Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.’ And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.” 1 Kings 19:10-13

God can break the mountains in our lives in an instant. He can shake the earth, trample the enemy of our souls beneath us. He can do anything. But remembers, He has a reason for everything. Sometimes, he’s not in the earthquake or the fire. Sometimes, he’s the still small voice reminding us that He’s in control and we just need to trust Him. The best part is, His still small voice is still bigger and louder than any other if we choose to listen.

Runny Noses and Wise Words

I’ve had a rough and wonderful week. The two are mutually exclusive I assure you. The beginning of the week brought good times with good friends followed by sick babies and endless to do lists. Mid-week brought a fabulous evening celebrating my anniversary with my love (and no babies…thank goodness for Nanas and babysitting). 

Then the babies shared, as thoughtful children so often do, and I caught the bug. Hooray! So I’ve spent the latter part of the week, attempting to maintain sanity and restore health to myself, my older kiddos and now the baby man, who incidentally has taken “runny nose” to be code for “bite mama hard every time she nurses you.” 

This morning, I’m up early, drinking coffee between coughs and bites and thinking. There is a certain amount of wisdom that soaks in to the porous mind of a woman in time. None of the wise things I’m thinking have much to do with illness and anniversaries but who can explain how the mind works?

  I’ve decided to share some things I’ve learned over the years with you. most of them, I’m sure you already know. Sometimes a reminder is all we need. 

 1. Feeling bad isn’t always a bad thing.

We have convinced ourselves that we should always feel great and that is a lie. Bad feelings about ones actions can serve to motivate change. The delusion that everything should always be rosy, we should always be happy and free and feel great about us, has caused many addicts and narcissists to remain stuck in a cycle of trying to feel better all the time. What if instead of seeking to feel better, we used the bad feelings to learn and grow and accepted our failings for what they are…part of life, things we will more than likely struggle with again and things that in time we will master if we give ourselves a break and stop trying to be perfect and feel great perpetually? It’s okay to feel bad, brush it off and move on. 

2. Achieving someone else’s standard of beauty will never make you feel beautiful. 

I’ve been there, the crazy eating habits, the excessive exercise. The constant worry that your rear section is too large while your top section is too small. The truth is, a woman’s body changes over the course of her life. Babies, marriage, job changes which bring schedule changes, stress, all of these things will cause body changes. Quit beating yourself up for every imperfection. The only beauty standard that matters is God’s standard. He asks us to take care of our bodies, but that doesn’t mean starve them or make them look like cookie cutter portrayals of what a woman “should” be. That standard will always change with the whim of cultural perception. If you’re seeking affirmation from a man, you won’t ever find beauty. 

3. Relax! 

The bills will get paid, the dishes will get done, the floor will get vacuumed, the kids will grow. You will manage to accomplish everything on that list eventually. In the meantime, chill out and enjoy the ride. 

Odds are, you won’t look back and think about the dishes you left in the sink till morning, but you will look back and think about whether or not you played Barbies with your daughters long enough or the times you could have danced around the living room or thrown a ball for ten minutes with your son. When you blink, they are 16, the Barbie dolls are long gone and you’ve missed the chance. Savor the moments now!

4. Anyone who demands perfection from you, isn’t worth your attention, even if it’s you. 

The bible say we press on toward the mark, the high calling. We are supposed to keep trying…to get back up when we fall down. Maybe we should try to do what Jesus did, and give grace to ourselves and others when we or they don’t get it right every time. 

5. The only way to fail is to quit trying.

 When we keep going, we get better. Practice makes perfect” or more realistically, “practice helps us improve exponentially based on the amount of effort we apply and our innate gifting a and abilities.” You can’t phone in a practice. You have to want it, and go for it. If you do, you will probably encounter a few epic speed bumps along the way. They may make you question yourself and whether you are capable. Get up! Keep trying. It will get better. Trust me. 

I’ve been singing for years. I’ve fallen off the stage. I’ve hit myself in the mouth with the microphone and bloodied my lip while performing. I’ve forgotten lyrics. I’ve forgotten the melody. I’ve started the band out at completely the wrong tempo and had to stop the song and restart it again. I once, accidentally, led an entire choir in a stirring rendition of “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” to the tune of “Deck the Halls”. Everybody went with it until we hit the “fa-la-la-la-la’s”. Does that make me a failure as an artist? No! I’m still up there going for it. And I’m not too shabby at it and I’m not playing the false humility game that would encourage me to denounce that realization. 

Keep trying at whatever it is. You are the best you there is. Give yourself a break and enjoy the journey. 

 

What to do while you wait

Photo Credit: Reuters

Photo Credit: Reuters

The thing about being in the Potter’s hands (Jeremiah 18, Isaiah 45) is that we don’t always know what he’s forming us into. Sometimes it might even seem like we’re sitting on a shelf and waiting until He’s ready to do something with us. Isaiah 45 taught us not to argue with the Potter about the final outcome, but what should we do while we wait?

In I Kings 19, God tells Elijah to go anoint Elisha as prophet in his place. God has a mighty purpose for Elisha. We have the benefit of being able to read the whole story so we know that Elisha will do mighty works for the Kingdom of God. God will use him to perform miracles, obliterate wickedness, speak the word of the Lord. His ministry will be great.

I’m sure Elisha knew God had called him too, even before that day when Elijah showed up. He was quick to recognize the mantle and anointing of Elijah and follow him when he called. He didn’t just follow him, he gave EVERYTHING to follow him. That shows me that he was already following the Lord with his whole heart. He was waiting for instructions and activation in his ministry. God was faithful to give it.

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But what was he doing while he waited?

I Kings 19:19 “He was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen, and he himself was driving the twelfth pair.”

When Elijah found him, he was plowing the field, tilling the soil, planting seed. He was already using what he had to make something.

When it feels like you are waiting around for life to start, for God to use you to do something big, why don’t you use what you have in your hand to make something beautiful. Start plowing. Plant a seed. Speak words of life to those around you. Be a smile to a hurting heart. Be a willing ear to someone who needs to let it all out. Help carry someone else’s burden. Pray with a neighbor. Talk to a stranger. What’s in your hand? What can you do now?

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Don’t wait around for something big to happen, start spreading life NOW. The big things will come but even if they don’t, your life is about right now. Today always impacts tomorrow so spend it wisely. Make like Elisha and grab a plow!

 

Signs, Confusion and Forever

I confess, I’ve been known to take a shortcut or two. Time is a precious commodity in my life. Somehow, I’m convinced that I have less of it than most people, so occasionally, I improvise. Usually, it gets the job done so I don’t sweat the small stuff.

Still, there are suggested uses provided by manufacturers for a reason. This becomes apparent when I grab my favorite sweater out of the dryer only to realize it now needs to be passed down to an 8-year-old since it was intended to dry flat. Just like that, it’s gone.

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I must also confess that I’ve never taken the time to figure those dumb laundry labels out. When I do take the time to read the label, I’m greeted with Pictionary instead of language. I know I could easily look up their meanings, but ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’. So I guess and just wing it. It’s usually just fine, but not always…

But maybe the world operates on symbols and not just words. I get it in some cases. Road signs could become very tedious if we clearly spelled out the meaning on everyone. How many accidents would be blamed on “I was trying to read the sign”? Some things you just have to make an effort to learn. sign

I haven’t decided which category marriage falls into yet. Sometimes I find myself trying to decode the symbols and I just know I’m shrinking a sweater. I wish we could just find a way to clearly spell it all out so there would never be any confusion. Yet, there’s a lot of wisdom in NOT saying everything that pops into your head in the heat of argument. 

So maybe it’s just part of the adventure. There’s an art to marital communication. It’s a blend of language and charades, verbal and non-verbal, argue and make up.

Sure, I’m going to mess up A LOT, but you better believe I’m going to keep trying. I may be far from perfect, but forever is always worth the effort.

Tranny Slip Blues

Twelve

Twelve

I’m all in and I’m not here at the same time

Divided and conquered by complacency

I’m willing and driven but my ‘tranny’* has stalled

when I should be moving forward I find myself slippin’

The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak

There’s so much to be done but my brain’s asleep

Oh Lord, let my love for you be my motivation

Be my strength today while I keep pumping the gas

Eventually, it will all kick in and I’ll be off and running again

Until then, I’ll just keep going

*Notes and explanation for those of you who drive vehicles that actually work properly. “Tranny” is what my fixer-upper family has always called the transmission in a vehicle. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had your tranny slip, but it sometimes feels like this: you hit the gas, get half way through the intersection and it just won’t accelerate anymore. If you pump it enough, it may kick in and then you jerk forward and take off and sometimes this happens repeatedly before you can really go anywhere. You listen to the engine rev but you’re not moving. It’s not fun! I’m thankful to say this hasn’t happened to me in quite sometime. We had one vehicle awhile back (affectionately named “Burt, the van of Destiny”) that did this for a long time before we finally broke down (no pun intended) and got a new transmission.

I sometimes have days where I feel like good ol’ Burt. My “get up and go” just doesn’t want to “get up and go” though I have the best of intentions. I’m sure lack of sleep or lack of coffee are contributors to this phenomenon. Either way, I’m hoping God will rejuvenate my giddy-up and infuse me with a little strength to accomplish great things today. In the meantime, I plan to just keep moving. One little thing at a time.

Clarity

Who are you?

Psalm 40

 

I heard someone say once that our stories define us. I couldn’t disagree more. Our stories contribute to our worldview. Our stories can impact or influence our actions and attitudes. They give us wisdom and sometimes strength. Sometimes we allow them to make us bitter. Still, only one thing can define us.

We are defined by the word of God and the one who created us. His thoughts about us outnumber the sands of the sea. He sees his children as whole, complete and captivating.

I choose to be defined by him and him alone.

Busy

Chaos

I have no time to write today

The busy fairies have carried me away

I’ll see you on the other side

If the busy fairies bring me back alive