Happiness is spending an hour on the phone with your grandmother. Happiness is legacy wrapped in light with sprinkles of hope and contentment. Happiness doesn’t come cheap. Sometimes it”s wrapped in struggle. Sometimes it is plain. But it is yours. Grab it and hold on!
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Crank up the Music
Have you ever read something and you just can’t stop thinking about it? Saturday morning, I read a passage of Scripture, I’ve read probably one hundred times, but I never saw it. I’ve spent a lot of times studying the book of 2 Kings. I have a profound fascination with Elisha. I have even considered writing a book about it but I haven’t done it yet….maybe soon. Still, despite the many times I’ve read this, I never noticed this simple little thing hanging out in 2 Kings chapter 3.
I’m a musician, as many of you know. I have been involved in worship ministry in one form or another for the last 40 years of my life. I’m only 43 so it’s pretty obvious that music and worship have been instrumental (no pun intended…okay maybe a little intended) in who I am.
In 2 Kings 3, the king of Israel, Joram, and the king of Judah, Jehoshaphat have teamed up and are going to battle against Moab. Side note – I’ve always liked saying Jehoshaphat! It’s just fun. I feel like Buddy the Elf saying “Francisco” over and over again, “Jehoshaphat, Jehoshaphat”, but I digress. They decide they should ask the prophet of the Lord what they should do. Good idea Jehoshaphat! So they go to Elisha, who honestly, isn’t thrilled about the idea of helping them at all. He isn’t a big fan of Joram, who is still doing evil in the sight of the Lord and says in verse 13, “I want no part of you. Go to the pagan prophets of your father and mother!”
Still, despite Elisha’s attitude toward Joram, he agrees out of respect for…wait for it…Jehoshaphat. See it’s just fun! Anyway, the thing I never saw is in verse 15. Elisha agrees to ask the Lord for them, and in order to do that he says, “Bring me a musician.” 2 Kings 3:15. “Then it happened, when the musician played, that the hand of the Lord came upon him.” 2 Kings3:16.
The outcome here isn’t what I want to emphasize. What I can’t stop thinking about is that when Elisha’s own attitude was not in a space to find the word of the Lord, he knew how to pull himself out of it and into the presence of God. He knew that in in worship, God would reveal Himself. The hand of the Lord moved as the musician played.
I was talking with a friend recently who said they cannot stand the “worship” part of church. She meant the music. She just doesn’t get it and doesn’t understand why it is so repetitive etc. I get it. I also acknowledge that everyone has a different style and various worship expressions are necessary because we are all different and God speaks to us in different ways. Still never underestimate the power and impact that worship and music has on the lives and spirits of mankind.
If the hand of the Lord came upon Elijah through worship and he, Elisha, the man with a double portion of the anointing of Elijah needed them to call for a musician to change his attitude and hear from heaven, then it only makes sense why I fundamentally need music in my life. I am designed to absorb music. I feel it deeply. I sing loudly. I feel the atmosphere shift around me through melody and rhythm. It’s a part of me. It’s obviously a part of others as well and it’s in me so I can help others find and hear from heaven.
My point is two-fold. Number one, if something is in you, let it out! It’s in you for a reason. I’m a singer for a reason so I better SING! Whatever you have to offer, don’t keep it to yourself. Be who you are! Go out and change the world. I know it sounds cheesy, but do it anyway. God created you for a purpose and it wasn’t just to hide in the shadows. Live BIG!
Number two, if you’re struggling today, crank up the music and see what happens. Allow God to speak to you. Meditate on His word and listen. You never know what He will do. Crank it up! Dance! Sing! Listen! God is always speaking, not always how we think He will. It may be through music. It may be through a butterfly flying by your window. You never know, but if you have eyes to see and ears to hear, He will reveal Himself to you. Don’t miss it!
I wonder
For some reason, I decided to dig back through the archives today. I guess I was interested to see how far I’ve come since I started throwing my thoughts out into the air. In honor of all the nostalgia, enjoy this little blast from the past. I still wonder a lot of these things…
I wonder if there is a haven for lost poems deep in the recesses of time…some magical place of calm & noise all jumbled together to form meaning.
I wonder if there’s a mystery to the soul that will never be solved until we meet our maker and then in His light, all will become clear, like a translucent breath given form and substance beyond its particles.
I wonder if there are places where two & two add up to three. You know…like me & you & we.
I wonder
I wonder at wonderful and it’s subjectivity, how the universals collide with perspective to form the moment when “it is good”
I wonder what happens to our dreams when we wake
I wonder what the substance of a prayer looks like from heaven and if mine have created something of beauty or a blob of selfish ambition. I pray the…
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One foot…keep walking
The wind spins circles around my head
I see the life before me and I wonder if I’m supposed to be who I am
What is life but the continuing of one foot before another?
Every breath, a choice
Every moment, an opportunity for a voice
Yet, I am so often silent.
This is humanity…
A million moments of the mundane, followed by a hundred moments of impact.
But the mundane…the cleaning, the dishes, the listening to my kids talk about their day…the laundry…
In these moments, I become me. The woman I’m called to be.
So I’ll write and create and care for children, and sing, and process invoices, and update databases and go on..one foot in front of the other.
And in that, I will be more than I ever imagined.
Somehow, in the grind, God created destiny and legacy and that is enough for me.
Hello, tomorrow. I’m ready to do my best. We will see what God has in store. It may be great. It may be monotonous, but if it’s for Your glory, it’s entirely worth it.
One foot in front of the other…this is life.
Good night world
Dream a little dream for me
As tomorrow nears
And the night closes its eyes
Or maybe it keeps them open waiting for morning
Or maybe tomorrow is a continuance of today
Or maybe we can sweep it away in solitude for brighter things to come
Whatever the case….
Goodnight today
Welcome hope
New mercies
New grace
Newness
Renewal
Light
Life
Another day means we made it
Another day means another chance
Failure doesn’t exist here
In the space of tomorrow
Keep going
Keep fighting
Try another day
And someday you’ll find the reward.
Just never surrender.
Who am I?
Who am I if the world stops turning for a moment
And I’m left with the quiet and the night
Who am I when grace is the only option
Because, alone, I’m never enough
And grace says that’s still okay.
Who am I in the face of lunchboxes and routines?
Who am I when I’m yelling at my kids to get out the door in the morning
Or to go to sleep at night?
Who am I?
I am loved!
I am chosen!
I’m okay.
And maybe, just maybe that’s enough
Random thoughts from the tired
If you and I were “I and me” and the world were nothing but trees and bees, would any of it matter?
If I and you were, you and me, and there was nothing but us and song and “free”, would it be worth fighting for?
Just wondering…
Deep thoughts in the midst of a thoughtless night. Heaven help us.
But there’s tomorrow!
Life is…
Life is walking on
Life is waking up in the morning
Life is doing what it takes to roll out of bed when the alarm is too harsh and the sleep is too short
Life is kids making you crazy
Life is partners making you wonder, “what in the world?!?”
Life is struggle
Life is breath
Life is another sunrise
Life is another chance
Life is another choice
Life is broken or whole?
Life is defeat or victory?
Life is who I was versus who I am.
Life is tomorrow…
Life is what if I tried?
Life is a choice
Life is a chance
Life is, what’s the worst that could happen?
Life is Jesus!
Life is, “What if I miss it?”
Life is “What if I fail?”
Life is “What if I didn’t?”
Life is “No regrets!”
Don’t waste it!
Go for it!
Live!!!
Do you ever sit and stare?
It’s been a week! I got sick, probably just a severe cold or flu, but it banned me from humanity in the current Covid climate, despite my negative test results. So I tried to rest, amidst my endless household to do list and everything I fight for and against on the daily. I often wonder if anyone could possibly know what the machinations of my daily life are…then I settle into a firm, “no” and go to bed.
So a week home of sickness, from work, has brought WAY too much time for watching home improvement shows and realizing my inadequacies. Maybe my organization style is actually, “modern mother seeking to survive life with chaos”? Who knows, but I don’t think I fit the mold. So I await the HGTV genie crew to come in and save me from myself and make my house a palace, but I think I’ll be waiting a long time.
And at the end of the day, it’s me….it rests on my shoulders to make light from darkness and order from chaos. I don’t think that I’m equipped and I know I won’t be gracing the world with appearances on (insert home show here.com), but I know that this is my life…this is my rodeo and I will fight to make it beautiful!
We can strive for HGTV “perfect” or we can rest in “our best” and if I have to choose, my instinct goes to “perfect” while my reality goes to “just breathe”. I may not be perfect, but God gave me these kids and He knows best. So I need to learn to suck it up and deal and fight another day. I am me. I am trying. I am who I’m meant to be this is me. (Okay got carried away and quoted a song, but somewhere someone was singing it! Or maybe that was just me) Either way, we are human, trying to get through the daily. We are warriors. Represent! Or am I the only one staring blankly at the end of the night? I hope I’m not alone! I sit and stare at the clock until it swallows me whole and then regret knowing the definition of time.
365 Days
Today marks 365 days around the sun since you joined us here. I remember the call. You were gone. I miss you more than I can say but I know it’s okay (I swear I didn’t mean for that to rhyme).
In my heart, I see clearly the serenity of the place you last walked. In my head, I want to call you and tell you about my day, my week, the weather, the sound my car is making, the dinner I cooked tonight…the stupid, little things.
I miss you! I wish you were here to run home to. I wish you were here to remind me it’s all okay. But I’ll have to wait until we meet again. “Remember who you are”, comes to mind.
I hope this year has been your best! I hope you’ve done your “special daddy dance” (which I demonstrate for my kids often) around the streets of heaven. I hope you’ve looked down on us and smiled. I smile for you daily!
One year, 365 days and everything has changed and everything is the same. Without you…
A hole in the center filled with light.
I miss you Daddy but I know it’s alright. (Oops with the rhyming again…whatever…I’m leaving it.)