Faith

Give me Back my Keys!

/ Jaimie / 2 Comments

IMG_1625

I woke up this morning and realized I’d given someone else my keys. Carsick and reeling, I’d been riding shotgun through my life, driven there by my own complacency. Like Dante, I was lost in a dark wood. A spectator barely gazing at the circumstances that brought me to this place, suddenly awake to the fact that I was so far from the path I’d started upon.

The first step on the journey back is waking up, then begins the regaining, the takeover of myself in that moment when the fog has lifted and so have my eyes. Happiness comes from the deliberate life in which I take the wheel and follow truth, peace within allowed freedom from the choking vines of fear. I had no one to blame but myself for allowing them to overtake me.

Hope springs from accepting where I’ve been and deciding to move forward. Hope flows from deep within, the place where the glory dwells. Today I choose to embrace it and fight. Tomorrow I’ll be a little closer to home. In the end, I will win.

The Problem with Church

/ Jaimie / 3 Comments

church clip

I have been in church most of my life. I’ve seen the good, the bad and the ugly. If you’ve been around church people long enough, I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “I’ve been hurt by the church” or “I’ve been hurt in church” at least once. It’s almost epidemic. The church, the place where people should flock to feel loved and welcomed, appreciated, needed, and safe, often times has become a source of pain or contention. This was never God’s intention. Yet , we are mere mortals and churches, though good intentioned, cease to be perfect the moment we walk through the door. Church was never intended to be a showroom full of the perfect and sinless. Church is a gathering place for the wounded. Church is a hospital for the broken. Fallible, imperfect men and women, join together as one body, with one united purpose, to glorify the Lord and draw closer to Him.

This morning I was thinking about King Josiah. His story is recorded in the Bible in the book of II Chronicles and also in II Kings. Josiah was 8 years old when he became king and at that young age he began to seek after the Lord. The real turning point for him happened 18 years later when one of the priests found the Book of the Law and read it to him. He saw himself there in the words. He realized the only hope for his nation and his people was change and he decided to act. Here’s the thing, Josiah had faithfully been serving God for 18 years by this time. Our current system of belief so often states that we are to follow after God ourselves and let others deal with themselves. Up to this point, that’s pretty much what Josiah had been doing. We cannot change anyone and we shouldn’t butt into anyone’s business. It sounds so good. But we are missing the point entirely. Our faith isn’t just about us. It never has been. Our faith is about serving others and helping them to reach the fullness of the life that God intended for them as well. In our self-absorbed culture, this seems so contrary but I contend that it’s just fundamental.

Josiah “set the priests in their duties and encouraged them for the service of the house of the Lord.” (II Chron. 35:2. Then later in verse 6 he tells the priests to “prepare them [the Passover offerings] for your brethren that they may do the according to the word of the Lord.” After they had served each other, they were encouraged to prepare for themselves. Verse 7 says that his leaders gave willingly to the people. You see, Josiah found that the key to leadership was equipping and encouraging others to operate in the fullness of their calling. In Verse 16, the Bible says the singers were in their places. So here they all were, in their place of utility ready to serve each other: a gathering of people focused on the person next to them rather than on themselves.

Maybe if we as a church would spend more time focusing on the person next to us than we do on our own problems or even on what we think we have to offer, things might be different. Maybe if we quit waiting on the Pastor or church leadership to do all the work and instead we step up and fill in the gaps, the ministry would be more effective.

Josiah found himself in the book of the law that day and it changed him. It caused him to realize his utility was not just as a ruler, but as an encourager. He led a nation to repentance through service. Perhaps it’s time we follow his example. So often, we’ve looked at all of the things we think exclude others from ministry rather than finding their gifting and encouraging them in it. As we encourage and equip them, they draw closer to Christ and the negatives often fall away.

We all have rough edges that need to be sanded down over time. Let’s stop focusing on the edges so much and start advocating for the heart. Let’s stop condoning sinfulness in church while casting stones at the folks outside. Let’s restore true worship again where we lose ourselves in wonder at a God who sees us, broken and fallible, and adores us anyway. Let’s follow his lead and radically love those we deem despicable. Maybe we can begin to see their hearts instead of their actions. Maybe we can find the person, whom God loves unconditionally, instead of focusing on the outside appearance. We believe God saves us through faith and not through our works, yet we judge the works of those who haven’t yet come to know Him and forget to love.

If you want to change the world, do it…one word of encouragement at a time.

Why I Still Hang with the Crazies

/ Jaimie / 1 Comment

If you’ve spent any time on social media recently, you’ve probably noticed a few quotes such as these:

quote 2

quote 1

Those were just two such statements I ran across this morning, but everyday I see a new version of the same basic statement. It sounds great on the surface right. Maybe I would have, at one time, completely agreed and gave an enthusiastic “like” or “amen”, but lately, something has seemed unsettling about that idea. The ideology is simply that our own health and happiness is the ultimate priority. Therefore, we shouldn’t tolerate anyone of anything that stands in the way of our own inner peace.

There are two flaws in this logic. The first is that anyone else has the power to take our peace in the first place. True peace doesn’t come from anything in this world. People, possessions and wealth are all trivial. True peace comes from knowing who we are and from the author of peace and our relationship with him. True peace is a gift that no one should ever have the right to snatch away. Sure we all struggle to hang on to it from time to time when life bears down hard and pushes every button we have. Still, the decision to let it go is totally ours. Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Secondly, our ultimate aim should not be our own happiness. I know, I know, not a lot of people will agree with me here, but let me explain what I mean. If we are believers, our aim is to become more Christ-like. “He must increase, I must decrease” John 3:30. You’ll never see Jesus cutting off the crazies. Instead we see him embracing the broken. We see him lay down his life for others time after time. He was never shaken by those who criticized him because he knew his purpose. Even in the face of Judas’ betrayal he ate dinner with him and didn’t cast him aside.

We are called to do the same. We should be so sure in ourselves that the drama around us can’t shake us. No one enjoys criticism or being gossiped about and lied to but that doesn’t mean it should knock us over. I for one, refuse to allow anyone that kind of power over me. Our lives are not our own. They are given to others. We do this naturally to a point. We give of ourselves to our friends, children, spouses, and families daily. We give until it hurts but that doesn’t mean we stop giving. We give as unto the Lord because we love him and we love others. “And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Matthew 12:30-31

Let me clarify, that I don’t believe we should put up with abuse. God may call us to be martyrs for sake of the gospel, but I believe there are situations where lines are crossed and healthy boundaries exist. I don’t spend hours on the phone with my ex husband allowing him to treat me the way he did when we were married. I am a firm believer in balance. Any extreme situation is unhealthy. Pray for wisdom there. I’m more talking about “drama light” if that makes sense. Being loving to others even when they are annoying. Reaching out in love to the person who talks about you behind your back. Being a friend to that person who always has something going on and bearing with them in love even when you want to shake them or slap them upside the head.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function,  so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another.” Romans 12:1-5

It is our reasonable service to lay our lives down for the un-loveable. Our mind may tell us to take care of us first but the gospel tells us to crawl on an altar and serve. Dead men don’t have rights.

So maybe I’m crazy but I will not “un-friend” the crazies in my life. I will take time out of my day to answer the phone and love someone through a crisis. I will not waiver in the face of disrespect or cower when attacked. I won’t be swayed by gossip but rather, I’ll refuse to listen to it even when it’s about me. As Eleanor Roosevelt said,  “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” My security comes from a higher purpose and my peace will not falter. So to all my crazy peeps, I’m not going anywhere.

Killing Bad Music

/ Jaimie / Leave a comment

play on

There are so many words in the world trapped in ice, (the icy chill of the frozen heart…not to quote Disney or anything). The past changes us like a bad song trapped in the brain – an earworm playing the tired melody so long it takes over songs of grace. In tragedy, I forget to clear it. I just keep adding new dissident chords to the same melody and unconsciously sing along. But I’m growing tired of auto-repeat and ready to start again.

 I’ll pick up my guitar and write a new progression. A “C” to open my eyes to truth, a 2minor to build the tension of something to come, the “F” chord to forget the failures as I rise to find the “G”, the savior God who lifts me higher away from the noise of the diminished chords that used to haunt with their oddities. It’s time to find a new tune for the foundation of my heart.

 New life begins the moment we make a choice to let it spring forth from the ashes. Maybe the old remains to make us who we are but we can choose where we land. The decision is ours to move forward or wallow.

 Sure, yesterday may repeat itself in subtle ways as circumstance we can’t control creeps near attempting to draw us back in to the rhythm of the madness, but we are the hands that ultimately control the strings. Will we choose to create something new or continue to settle for the old?

Why remain stuck in the old when each string holds within it, the potential for more…the promise of greatness undiscovered. Lord, give me your ears and let me hear the songs you sing over me. Help me to keep pressing forward guided by the beauty promised in your love.

I’m ready for freedom. I’m ready to embrace what you have for me. I know change is hard but nothing is worse than standing still. I promise to embrace new life as long as you keep singing…A pen in the hand of a ready writer. Move with skill and dance as I follow.

Strength

/ Jaimie / 4 Comments

strength

One thing I’ve learned about myself over the years is that fear grows in dark places deep within when I’m not paying attention.  I particularly find this in the context of relationships. The husband and I have a rough day and I turn suddenly I’m on the bridge of the Enterprise yelling “Shields up! Prepare for battle! I’ll take the conn!” A small offense turns into an insurmountable obstacle and I fight hard to control every detail and make it all work out the way I see fit. I’m sure you can see that there are obvious flaws in this strategy. I do this out of fear. I’ve been hurt before and rather and than take the risk of being hurt again, I grab the guns and dig in.

Thankfully, there is grace that comes along and shines a little light on it, revealing to me the reality of this monstrous thing that’s been choking me slowly. I read a quote from Francis Frangipane this week that explains it perfectly. “We pray, “Lord, change me.” To answer that prayer, He will often allow circumstances or people to offend us. Our fleshly reaction illuminates the specific area where we need to grow. Thus, the Lord initiates change by offending the area of our soul He seeks to transform. He does not expect us to merely survive this adversity but become Christlike in it.”

The truth is that fear and self-preservation rarely lead to positive outcomes. True strength is being able to stand in spite of fear and love anyway. True strength is in moving beyond the things that paralyze us and give of ourselves even when it hurts. Meg Cabot said, “Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear; The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all.”

Today I encourage you to live! Take the risk and do that thing that makes you afraid. Go all in! If something offends you, let it go. If you’re hurting, pray. There is a Comforter who is more than able to turn ashes into beauty and He wants to fight that battle for you. He wants you to overcome. March on into the fray armed with His strength and you will find your freedom.

“Oh my soul, march on with strength!” Judges 5:21

Giant on a fluff of dust

/ Jaimie / 2 Comments

I feel like the world has shrunk beneath me. I’m sitting on top of it, this little fluff of dust and I’m so big.

The air becomes my only solace and I focus on breathing in and breathing out. I’m lost, suspended atop the tiny surface by nothing more than grace.

Holding me, the intangible taking on substance in this moment because He always knows exactly what I need and brings that…nothing more…nothing less. Just enough to sustain me when my eyes are dry and my heart can’t quite muster the strength to feel.

The numb is pushing hard against me with it’s eerie nimble fingers clawing merciless at my soul. I want to run but the ground is hiding.

So I sit here on the lonely ball of earth beneath me and wonder how I’ll make it. Knowing in my head that there’s a plan…wishing my heart would get with the program. Tomorrow we begin again.

IMG_6268.JPG

Ripples

/ Jaimie / Leave a comment

I wonder what ripples my life will leave after my drop in time has passed. Will they grow to be a wave strong and forceful, or will they fade slowly into the others unnoticed? Such is the nature of life, a drop in the bucket of eternity and it’s gone in an instant.

You welcome a new one into the world, crying tears of wonder and amazement and then you turn around and they’re off and running. You’re suddenly planning a wedding and watching them fly away.

You write a song and sing it timidly only to hear that another is singing it wildly, holding onto it as if it held their hope and you are humbled. You wonder when your words cross paper and find the eyes of a reader if they will mean anything. You wonder if you’ve done enough. You wonder if you can do more. You wonder if you’ve been wasteful.

Then you realize that your wondering is a gift, an opportunity to live tomorrow free. Wondering what was should propel you to create tomorrow. Craft each moment with deliberate hands. Decide to embrace the seconds, the good and hard and sorrowful. Decide to live your “now” with everything you’ve got. Decide to leave a legacy. Decide to live with purpose. Then at the end of the journey you can look back and see the tide that swelled with one touch of the finger of God into the river of life you allowed to flow through you. As you cross the shore, you can smile as you listen to the crash of the waves that began miles away with a ripple.

 

The Color of my Lawn

/ Jaimie / Leave a comment

Pink

I was at a birthday party years ago. I’d joined a group of fellow homeschooling mom’s who were discussing daily activities, curriculums and parenting choices. In the midst of the group was “that ONE mom”. You know the one I mean. She talked of how organized her life was. She shared how many hours she spent with each child pouring over books and games. She condescendingly commented how she would NEVER dream of feeding her child pizza or chicken nuggets. Then it happened…she started asking questions.

At that time in my life, I worked a full time job or two while homeschooling my oldest two daughters and keeping track of a toddler. I made sure to stay actively involved in worship ministry and writing as well because one should never abandon their passions. I was also still stuck in an extremely dysfunctional marriage to an addict and you can imagine the repercussions that had on my already packed schedule and life. I was a BUSY woman! I’d made the choice to enroll my daughters in a web-based homeschooling program where they’d have instructors available to help them in case they needed it and where much of the work was self-guided. It was the best choice for us at that time because I just couldn’t do it all. So, when super mom over there started asking questions about how I maintained our home education program, it wasn’t pretty.

I’ll never forget the look on her face. She asked, “What curriculum do you use?”. I responded with the name of our virtual school program and her grimace was immediate and severe. Her chipper face fell to disdain in an instant. I don’t know why it hit me so hard, the stones she threw with her gaze, but I felt so small I could hug a piece of rice. There I was in a room full of women, seemingly alone. None of them were faced with circumstances as extreme as mine, but I still felt like I was a poor excuse for a wife and a mother. It wasn’t that I wanted to be like the condescending woman snarling at me. It was more that I felt the demand to be more. I was wrecked by my own inner longing to be better.

I didn’t stay long after that. In the safety of the car, I prayed through tears I tried to contain, “God, I’m just not like them.”  In that soothing voice I’ve come to love so much, my comforter spoke a simple phrase to my soul. “Come out from among them and be separate.” (2 Corinthians 6:17) God didn’t call me or create me to be like someone else. He gave me THIS life to live according to His plan.

We ladies seem to spend a lot of time on comparisons. I hear it all the time. The stay at home mamas defend their choices to the working mamas hoping others know how challenging it really is to be home raising little ones…hoping to be appreciated. The working mamas come across as condescending to the stay at home moms because they feel they do it ALL. The homeschool mamas criticize the public schoolers. The public school moms think the homeschool mamas are crazy. We want to be skinnier, better homemakers, better cooks, have hair like her, dress like she does. We want success and respect. We want it ALL! The truth we often forget is that we have it all. God has given us everything we need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3)

If the grass seems greener on the other side, water your yard. Be you! Be the best you imaginable! Rock your you-ness with confidence and grace! There will always be that person whose better than you at something and that’s okay. You are not called to be someone else. You are called to take your gifts and develop them. You are called to greatness and you’ve been given everything necessary to achieve that greatness.

These days, I’m feeling awfully comfortable in my own skin. I’m having a blast homeschooling and I’m a little more hands-on these days. I’m still working a full-time job and running my own business on the side. I’m still busy in ministry and other things. Granted, I’m no longer married to an addict. I’m remarried to the man of my dreams who treats me so well. That helps a lot! But, more importantly, I’ve become confident in who God made me. I’m comfortable in my skin. I’m perfectly fine with the color of my lawn.

Water your own garden with living water and watch how you bloom!

 

Ouch

/ Jaimie / Leave a comment

Love

My breath pushes too heavy upon my chest; my lungs overtaken by some unseen force alien to me.

In an instant all hope spills like beans from a bag burst open…suddenly scattered…useless.

I am altogether undone.

At the end of me, there’s a place I didn’t know about before.

It’s like a stream hiding deep in the forest waiting for a visitor.

Then all at once it moves and I hear the bubbling of water breaking on the hard rock of my heart.

It hurts and I grow weary with myself.

I can’t say why I didn’t conquer the rapids years ago.

I guess I thought they’d become a distant memory lost beneath brighter things.

God doesn’t heal in part; He’s after everything.

Beneath the cracking of the surface, there’s a grace that won’t leave me standing there half finished.

There’s persistence in the movement of living water through human nature.

Refusing to leave me broken, the process continues.

I rise from beneath the surface, alive…nevertheless, not I, Christ in me.

Hope of glory, don’t leave me alone tonight.

 

 

 

Storm

/ Jaimie / Leave a comment

Sometimes life is like a storm
Wriggling, writhing over the face of the deep
Waves with motion fast…furious conquering the soul of the doubter
Another crash, hard and heavy on the face of the water
Breaking with foam and frenzy
Too easily pulling us under

Sometimes life is like a storm
When belief rises, overpowering fear

We become soldiers armed with faith
Hope springing from the word of testimony
Instead of riding the wave, we part the sea
Instead of falling under defeated, we rise above

Sometimes life is like a storm
Pressing onward we charge against the enemy
Taking back all that was stolen
Obliterating doubt
Sure and confident in who we are
Fully assured that we are his

Storm on faithful ones
You’ve got this!