Repairing the Well

The day draws close to an end and I feel pulled to page to open up the release valve and let it all go. Lately, I’ve filled the well with other things and stopped the flow of words. The difference in me is palpable. Tonight I’ve decided to dig. The sound of shovel moving earth resonates hope to my dry heart. I’ve been hiding under there too long. 

Seasons pass swift and furious without effort and I often leave myself behind sucking dust. Life isn’t found in the motions but rather in the movement. Spirit and soul drawn into deep breath moving me from who I’ve been to who I am. The lioness awakening, drinking deep. 

Tonight, as the earth moves, I’m closer to the spring from which the water begins to rise. Tonight, I’m a little closer to living and maybe that’s what matters. 

Welcome to now

  
Today slips into tomorrow with blinking eyes. My heart lies heavy in my chest too fragile in the wake of a long weekend. I know in this stillness, you are faithful. I trust in the aftermath, that you will gently hold me up high above the fray. I remain thankful. 

Dust Buster

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Photo credit: Arthur Rothstein, A young boy in dust storm, Oklahoma, 1936 PBS

 

“Awake and sing, you who dwell in dust” Isaiah 26:19

The dust hangs heavy in the air, swirling around hiding the light with haze.

It’s easy to become lost in the chaos, caught up as the torrent of fear flows by, catching us unaware, unprepared.

It’s easy to break and stumble. It’s easy to give in and crumble as the mud starts to cake, heavy, on our skin. We become a sculpture of something else, a figure we never expected to be.

The mirror betrays us. We can’t recognize the person staring back, glass eyes, with fire dimmed to ember.

But there’s a song, a melody resounding above the thickness and our eyes suddenly open to the wonder.

Open your mouth and sing along. Let praise emanate from within. Let it cleanse the air with the sweetness of Spirit. Let it wash the skin and mind with life.

Sing of His greatness, hear Him call you by name, and know that nothing else matters. He sees, He hears, and He adores you.

Figure of dust, know that you are a treasure, transformed by love song into beauty.

On Days When I Feel Alone

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Long days roll in like floods and wear at the workings of the soul.

The heart aches at absence.

The mind picks and claws for meaning.

I wait for you.

You don’t see me anymore behind the other things that draw your gaze.

I am lost to whisper

I will not allow silence to steal my voice.

Inside I am a lion.

Loneliness is lost in the presence of the comforter.

He is enough.

Be Still my Heart

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God of all goodness, breathe on us today.

In mercy we find new beginnings.

In love, we find rest.

In you, we find peace.

Blanket our souls with the wonder of who you are

And we will find shelter in you, our comforter

Masterpiece

There’s a canvas where purpose meets potential and I find myself painting there.
Blank before me the beginning of yet another chapter…one I didn’t ask for.
I sit on the edge of now, waiting, breathing in, breathing out, feeling the quiet as substance filling the caverns of fear.
I take in my hand and my heart what you give and set to work. There has to be beauty here.
Every stroke with the brush reminding me that you see me.
You paint me lovely even when my eyes cease to see the wonder.
All I am is yours.

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Mother of the Bride

Sunlight in her hair, the girl in the long white dress walks slowly

Away from me

Toward her future

Where destiny and maturity culminate in a moment

Where dreams begin

Starry eyes look upon her love

She takes his hand and makes a vow

Little girl I carried in arms

Twinkle, twinkle light above

Carry her on

To where she’s held by you

Make them one

As I pray daily

Grateful always for being her mother

Killing Bad Music

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There are so many words in the world trapped in ice, (the icy chill of the frozen heart…not to quote Disney or anything). The past changes us like a bad song trapped in the brain – an earworm playing the tired melody so long it takes over songs of grace. In tragedy, I forget to clear it. I just keep adding new dissident chords to the same melody and unconsciously sing along. But I’m growing tired of auto-repeat and ready to start again.

 I’ll pick up my guitar and write a new progression. A “C” to open my eyes to truth, a 2minor to build the tension of something to come, the “F” chord to forget the failures as I rise to find the “G”, the savior God who lifts me higher away from the noise of the diminished chords that used to haunt with their oddities. It’s time to find a new tune for the foundation of my heart.

 New life begins the moment we make a choice to let it spring forth from the ashes. Maybe the old remains to make us who we are but we can choose where we land. The decision is ours to move forward or wallow.

 Sure, yesterday may repeat itself in subtle ways as circumstance we can’t control creeps near attempting to draw us back in to the rhythm of the madness, but we are the hands that ultimately control the strings. Will we choose to create something new or continue to settle for the old?

Why remain stuck in the old when each string holds within it, the potential for more…the promise of greatness undiscovered. Lord, give me your ears and let me hear the songs you sing over me. Help me to keep pressing forward guided by the beauty promised in your love.

I’m ready for freedom. I’m ready to embrace what you have for me. I know change is hard but nothing is worse than standing still. I promise to embrace new life as long as you keep singing…A pen in the hand of a ready writer. Move with skill and dance as I follow.

Giant on a fluff of dust

I feel like the world has shrunk beneath me. I’m sitting on top of it, this little fluff of dust and I’m so big.

The air becomes my only solace and I focus on breathing in and breathing out. I’m lost, suspended atop the tiny surface by nothing more than grace.

Holding me, the intangible taking on substance in this moment because He always knows exactly what I need and brings that…nothing more…nothing less. Just enough to sustain me when my eyes are dry and my heart can’t quite muster the strength to feel.

The numb is pushing hard against me with it’s eerie nimble fingers clawing merciless at my soul. I want to run but the ground is hiding.

So I sit here on the lonely ball of earth beneath me and wonder how I’ll make it. Knowing in my head that there’s a plan…wishing my heart would get with the program. Tomorrow we begin again.

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Storm

Sometimes life is like a storm
Wriggling, writhing over the face of the deep
Waves with motion fast…furious conquering the soul of the doubter
Another crash, hard and heavy on the face of the water
Breaking with foam and frenzy
Too easily pulling us under

Sometimes life is like a storm
When belief rises, overpowering fear

We become soldiers armed with faith
Hope springing from the word of testimony
Instead of riding the wave, we part the sea
Instead of falling under defeated, we rise above

Sometimes life is like a storm
Pressing onward we charge against the enemy
Taking back all that was stolen
Obliterating doubt
Sure and confident in who we are
Fully assured that we are his

Storm on faithful ones
You’ve got this!