Dream a little dream for me
As tomorrow nears
And the night closes its eyes
Or maybe it keeps them open waiting for morning
Or maybe tomorrow is a continuance of today
Or maybe we can sweep it away in solitude for brighter things to come
Whatever the case….
Another day means we made it
Another day means another chance
Failure doesn’t exist here
In the space of tomorrow
Try another day
And someday you’ll find the reward.
Just never surrender.
Who am I if the world stops turning for a moment
And I’m left with the quiet and the night
Who am I when grace is the only option
Because, alone, I’m never enough
And grace says that’s still okay.
Who am I in the face of lunchboxes and routines?
Who am I when I’m yelling at my kids to get out the door in the morning
Or to go to sleep at night?
Who am I?
I am loved!
I am chosen!
And maybe, just maybe that’s enough
If you and I were “I and me” and the world were nothing but trees and bees, would any of it matter?
If I and you were, you and me, and there was nothing but us and song and “free”, would it be worth fighting for?
Deep thoughts in the midst of a thoughtless night. Heaven help us.
But there’s tomorrow!
Life is walking on
Life is waking up in the morning
Life is doing what it takes to roll out of bed when the alarm is too harsh and the sleep is too short
Life is kids making you crazy
Life is partners making you wonder, “what in the world?!?”
Life is struggle
Life is breath
Life is another sunrise
Life is another chance
Life is another choice
Life is broken or whole?
Life is defeat or victory?
Life is who I was versus who I am.
Life is tomorrow…
Life is what if I tried?
Life is a choice
Life is a chance
Life is, what’s the worst that could happen?
Life is Jesus!
Life is, “What if I miss it?”
Life is “What if I fail?”
Life is “What if I didn’t?”
Life is “No regrets!”
Don’t waste it!
Go for it!
It’s been a week! I got sick, probably just a severe cold or flu, but it banned me from humanity in the current Covid climate, despite my negative test results. So I tried to rest, amidst my endless household to do list and everything I fight for and against on the daily. I often wonder if anyone could possibly know what the machinations of my daily life are…then I settle into a firm, “no” and go to bed.
So a week home of sickness, from work, has brought WAY too much time for watching home improvement shows and realizing my inadequacies. Maybe my organization style is actually, “modern mother seeking to survive life with chaos”? Who knows, but I don’t think I fit the mold. So I await the HGTV genie crew to come in and save me from myself and make my house a palace, but I think I’ll be waiting a long time.
And at the end of the day, it’s me….it rests on my shoulders to make light from darkness and order from chaos. I don’t think that I’m equipped and I know I won’t be gracing the world with appearances on (insert home show here.com), but I know that this is my life…this is my rodeo and I will fight to make it beautiful!
We can strive for HGTV “perfect” or we can rest in “our best” and if I have to choose, my instinct goes to “perfect” while my reality goes to “just breathe”. I may not be perfect, but God gave me these kids and He knows best. So I need to learn to suck it up and deal and fight another day. I am me. I am trying. I am who I’m meant to be this is me. (Okay got carried away and quoted a song, but somewhere someone was singing it! Or maybe that was just me) Either way, we are human, trying to get through the daily. We are warriors. Represent! Or am I the only one staring blankly at the end of the night? I hope I’m not alone! I sit and stare at the clock until it swallows me whole and then regret knowing the definition of time.
Today marks 365 days around the sun since you joined us here. I remember the call. You were gone. I miss you more than I can say but I know it’s okay (I swear I didn’t mean for that to rhyme).
In my heart, I see clearly the serenity of the place you last walked. In my head, I want to call you and tell you about my day, my week, the weather, the sound my car is making, the dinner I cooked tonight…the stupid, little things.
I miss you! I wish you were here to run home to. I wish you were here to remind me it’s all okay. But I’ll have to wait until we meet again. “Remember who you are”, comes to mind.
I hope this year has been your best! I hope you’ve done your “special daddy dance” (which I demonstrate for my kids often) around the streets of heaven. I hope you’ve looked down on us and smiled. I smile for you daily!
One year, 365 days and everything has changed and everything is the same. Without you…
A hole in the center filled with light.
I miss you Daddy but I know it’s alright. (Oops with the rhyming again…whatever…I’m leaving it.)