I try to be optimistic. I really do. But let’s be real…some nights are harder than others. Some nights I’m scratching and clawing through life. I wish I could lie like the social media crud we see daily and pretend my life is perfect and I have faith at every moment, but lying is a sin…ten commandments people! So here is the real! The reality is, some nights suck!
My air conditioner is broken. That may not seem like a big deal unless you live in South Florida, but in South Florida, it’s a big deal!!! Not only did it break, but it flooded my attic, and consequently, my youngest kids’ bedroom. Water damage and gunk are filling my night, my bookshelf, my sons’ toy bins. Wet vac ablaze and husband trying to remedy the chaos. It’s hot in here! And my kids want family movie night while I’m cleaning up attic gunk. And I am horrified by the dirt that has accumulated while I try to accomplish greatness, while my kids cannot understand why cleaning the gunk is a priority.
Parenting and living in a fixer-upper can be tricky. Life can be tricky. There are nights when none of it works out!!! There are nights, like tonight, when everything seems “wrong”.
Still, we find hope in tomorrow. That is the optimist. Tomorrow, my air might work. Tomorrow, my kids won’t be disappointed. Tomorrow, I may be a better version of myself…maybe.
But tonight, I’m not! Tonight, I’m whining and complaining and wondering why every moment has to be so dang hard. That is ” the real”. This is my life. Judge if you please.
Truthfully, I’m a girl in a middle-aged mom-bod gasping for breath. I’m a woman doing it all! I’m everything to so many yet, who am I to ME? Am I even ME anymore? Who knows?!?
So here I am on a Thursday night fighting for survival sans air conditioning and perfect parenthood awardhood, and a million other problems I haven’t mentioned here. My house is a MESS! I am exhausted! but His mercies are new every morning.
And maybe that’s the point. We can drain everything in daylight hours and feel like there’s nothing left and wake up tomorrow and start again. That’s the beauty in the chaos and the strength, less my lack of optimism. Maybe I don’t need to be everything. Maybe I can wake up tomorrow and get the kids off to school and go to work and it will all be okay. Maybe tonight’s tears will be tomorrow’s blessings. Life moves on. That is growth That is parenthood. That is life.
Still, I can’t help thinking, some nights, it’s okay to say it sucks. And tomorrow I can smile and be thankful. Welcome to the real! Your friend from beyond the realm, me.