What it’s like to live in an abusive relationship

There are nights when life feels okay and you fall asleep and dream of good things.

There are nights when you blame the world’s failings on your own shoulders.

I can bleed with the best of them.

But there are nights when you realize, for maybe a minute, that this is harder than it should be.

And death till you part doesn’t mean, you die like an expense report, in the archives of a business file.

Maybe there’s more than this.

Maybe there’s a place where it isn’t all your fault, Even though it never was to begin with.

Maybe holding on is leaving you cut and scarred and bruised beyond recognition.

And you can’t tell the world because they don’t understand.

And you can’t be a failure again and again.

So you ride the carousel until it stops and buy another ticket.

Because yesterday was good

And tomorrow is unknown.

But anything is better than this…

Heave, ho, pull the anchor in again my friend because it’s not easy and you and you alone get to decide when it’s too heavy.

Who are you?

I think I am me when the dust settles and the night falls and I stare at my pillow and I wonder

What is today? And what will be different tomorrow? And what’s the harm in thinking about that?

I think tomorrow is propelled by today.

I think I am the sum of yesterday and today and tomorrow combined because I believe God is bigger than that mess!

There’s a symbolism in the weight of the fracture between me and today and tomorrow.

There is more than I can see

There is more than me.

So hold on tight beloved. You are beloved

Because you don’t always see what’s waiting beyond the veil.

And I know theology and not every gets a peak behind the curtain but I’m waiting and I know He is too. That’s enough for me!

Sometimes your own people won’t get you

Sometimes it hurts

Sometimes that’s okay

Sometimes it’s not

That’s okay too

Walk on dear friend.

Move into the next moment, okay with yourself and who you are.

If the night stopped the second a cloud came, we’d never see daylight

But we keep spinning

And the dawn will come

Wake up tomorrow and realize you don’t need the approval of the setting sun.