Hurricane Ian Update

Hi everyone. I’ve started and stopped this post a hundred times. It’s hard!

My family is safe and fine. We had several days without power and some downed limbs in the yard but we were so blessed! We are okay.

But I live here. In the midst. I know people who lost their lives, people who almost lost their lives, people who lost their homes and everything they own. It’s hard.

So I wanted to write a quick post to let you all know we are okay and we are dealing with the aftermath in our community. The devastation is overwhelming. It sinks in, slowly, in layers. You can’t fathom it all unless you’re in it.

And we were without power, internet, and cell service for days; so many others knew what we couldn’t see before us, right next door to the ‘thick of it’.

Thank you for all of your prayers! Thank you for reaching out! Thank you for realizing that things that aren’t on your doorstep may be on someone else’s.

Be the light! Keep reaching out to the people you know because you never really know what tomorrow will bring.

Be kind!

Speak your mind!

Let truth ring on your lips.

Let the love of Christ dwell in you richly!

We’ve seen miracles and heartache and we are holding on through it all.

Be grateful!

Sending love to everyone who hears my voice through written word. We are strong and we are recovering! ❤️

Love, Jaimie

Do You Know Who You Are?

I’ve been hesitant to write. Hurricane Ian tore through my town, took the lives of people I know, took the homes of my friends, and shook us to breaking.

Thankfully, my family is fine. We watched from the window, waiting for trees we were sure would fall, to go the distance, and miraculously, my family was unscathed.

But then you look around…

And you see the devastation that missed you, so close.

It’s unnerving

It’s unsettling

It’s heartbreaking

This is my home!

So I didn’t want to write about it.

But tonight, my son and I were messing around and playing and singing improv on the piano and this came out,

“When all the light and all the dark have disappeared and I’m staring at the grave of wasted tears. Who am I and who are you and what should we do from here nobody knows.
So we walk through the night. And we share. whatever light we can find so we walk and we we climb through the void to who we are and who you are and who we’re meant to be and now it’s ‘us’…across the void…against the void”

And I’ve spent the day lugging debris and hauling things that may or may not be salvageable from the wreckage. And I hear the tears and pray the prayers and I’m in this…

And I’m living this! And it’s so much more than we ever imagined.

And I wonder who I am

Is the light of Christ in me enough to pierce the darkness?

I know it is cognitively.

But when the real hits you like a train colliding on the back of your faith, can you (I) be grateful? Can I say, “Great is thy Faithfulness “?

I have an answer but I won’t proffer it here. I ask you to decide.

Do we lean on light and what we know of the truth or do we look at destruction and falter?

Okay, I give up. I’ll answer….He is still so, so good!!!!!

No storm can hold Him!

Nothing can chain Him!

And I see it!

So debris can give way and my hope still stands.

I know who I am but more importantly, I know who He is!!!

And that’s enough

Rainbows and shadows

I sit in spaces, lost between the worlds

Who I am, and who I should be

Breaking, with the glimmer of light.

And I can be so broken…I should be

But I’m not

I’m stronger than the wind, because it passes while I remain

So I stare at rainbows

Reminders in the sky of what can be, when sun and rain collide

That maybe, where my trauma and truth collide, there can be beauty

And I can be a reminder.

Choose to be bigger

Don’t let the sun dim to fade

Shine!

You were made for more! And so was I

In the still, find breath and breathe.

It’s enough; I promise!

On falling and getting up

If I’m going to fall, can I please fall hard and hit my head?

Can there be concussion and bruising so I don’t look like a fool?

Can I rest in the “okay-ness” of my weakness?

If I do, do I have to wait for a diagnosis?

Fallen, in need of grace?

Can’t we just be human?

Wake up sleepers

Wake up church!

In the land of the living, an anchor holds

And we get to reveal it and show it to the masses

That’s enough

Love is enough

We can kick and claw and scream at the wind

We can cry behind closed doors

But we can’t stop reaching

For real love!

THAT is the anchor

Nails and thorns and mercy on a cross

And death giving way to victory

Who are you?

Who does He say I am?

Where is victory?

Can you see it today?

If not, look again.

It’s worth fighting for!

Time…in a bottle…or not…

Time is a funny thing.

It flies

It pauses

It groans for tomorrow

It longs for yesterday

It moves

In waves

While the world continues, as it seemingly stops for some

But it is.

Time is

And we grovel at it’s feet

And we wonder where the break pedal is

And we clasp onto what we can hold

And we long for bricks to put on top our children’s heads to stop the growth

All the while praying they will grow, healthy and strong, and prepared for tomorrow

I watch you grow and I beg for it to stop and continue while I sit like an Alanis Morissette lyric, contracting truths against each other.

And we grow and move

And live and have our being in the moment

Sweaters on backward and inside out and all

Until we feel the most of a new day

And breathe

Deep

Because today is wrapped in tomorrow and yesterday at once

And I am you and you are me together, bracing for the impact

Life is more than we see

Life is wrapped in the endless toil of a day well lived, and a tomorrow, begging for something

Whatever that may be

My tomorrow is different from yours

But it’s the same

The hand of God, making meaning, while we go

And that’s enough

At the end of the day, it’s enough

Forward motion makes for meaning

So RUN!

Then look at yesterday and today and smile

Knowing tomorrow is breath

And we’re all running

In the Morning …Running with what you’ve got

So, my mornings are always morning before morning should be allowed

I’m not a morning person…working on this…

But in anticipation of tomorrow, I plan.

I pack lunchboxes and clean and lie clean clothes on racks and hooks, and find shoes lost by minions (small people I’m charged to raise)

But, unfortunately, sometimes I dread the day ahead.

I’m not proud of it.

And I think if His mercies new every morning and the blessing of parenthood and employment and a life well lived.

But in reality, I go to bed knowing my alarm will sound the horror bell of having to wake up when I want to sleep.

Still, there’s a blessing when the coffee and the day kick in.

When sunlight brings possibilities that I haven’t imagined.

So I ride before the sun and do it again and again.

This life doesn’t have to be brilliant or awesome in the light of day but it has to continue to bring meaning.

So today leads to tomorrow and every moment, even the mundane, leads to greatness.

Will I be remembered for the lunches I pack and the jokes I wrote in sharpie on ziplock? Probably not. But will I be remembered for my perseverance and strength? I hope so.

Wake up tomorrow and do it again.

Just go!

One foot in front of the next, in excellence. It’s all anyone can ask and it’s more than enough.

Two cents from the routine.

Two cents to manufacture a million. Just RUN!

Glorious

What makes glorious life?

When pen and plight, too numb, collide

What beauty permeates stone?

Till I, in He, resound alone.

We talk, so often of death and pain

Yet forget the living

And here I stand with arms, waiting for direction, aiming for the target I cannot see

Or maybe I can…

Or maybe I am hesitant to step, without seeing where my feet will land

Either way, pen in hand, write my story.

I’ll go

Who am I?

If I were a mere mortal in the land of the living

You know that place where truth and grace collide

And the maker of heaven called me beautiful in spite of my ugly

And I set out to show the world the immensity of glory

And the rug beneath me failed to hold the weight

And the ground shook at the sound of Your voice

And I am me and you are infinite

What can I offer?

A prayer to the God who sees

A song to the voice of the mute

I am a disabled veteran in the land of the living

No claim to fame just a life sacrificed at the altar of service

And in my case, badly offered

Bruised and unworthy

But still showing up

Still fighting

Still ready to stand and say it’s all worth it

Bring it on world, I’m here standing on weak knees, ready for tomorrow

Warrior with broken feet…standing on hope.

Wake me up!

Confessions of a Narcissist’s Wife

I will never be myself again.

I will apologize for every statement.

Okay get it. I will walk on eggshells while the earth shatters.

I will stand alone beneath the weight of injustice.

I will take responsibility.

Nothing is anything apart from you so I will hide

And tomorrow might be better or not

And today is a drop in the bucket of eternity.

Because I can’t long for you anymore while you throw me under the bus.

But that’s life in the land of the living and the sun will rise and I will forgive and we will call it growth.

That’s just movement in the stagnant waters while the void calls for justice.

I will apologize.

I will find my own fault in your weakness.

I will stand alone.

I will bear the weight of the world while you cower.

Tomorrow, bring your anchor.